Daily Dose of Dickinson

Samford and her new toy...

smiling Lily...

Lily without a feeding tube...wish it could have stayed out!

This has been a difficult week for all of us. While Lily continues to make improvements and is doing well, it didn't take away the pain of having to leave her behind on Christmas. In some ways Christmas was better than I thought it would be, but in other ways it was the most difficult thing I have ever experienced as a mother. Three months ago when she was born, I just knew that she would be home by now. I didn't care that the doctors etc. said to plan on her being in the hospital until her due date. I felt like by 3 months she would be ready to come home and that God knew my desires to bring her home. So now that Christmas has come and gone I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little let down.

I know that God's timing is not my timing and that Lily has come a long long way, and yes it could be so much worse. But by now, my anxiety over her coming home has risen tremendously. I don't really know how to explain it except to say that I am running thin and feel so much more weary more often. I am telling you this not so that you feel sorry for me but because I want to be honest. God doesn't tell us that the road will always be easy. He doesn't tell us that when we follow Him we won't have trials. But He does say that He will never leave us and that there is nothing we can't do with Him by our side. He alone gives us the strength to leave Lily in the hospital each day and He alone gives us the strength to do it again and again. And because of our relationship with Him we have hope. Hope that Lily is going to be OK. That one day soon we will all be together at home. Without that hope, I would not have made it this far.

God knows our needs before we even know them ourselves. At each of my toughest moments, He always does something to remind me that He is there. It is usually through one of your emails or cards, phone calls or texts. Hearing that our tiny baby has encouraged someone in their spiritual lives, that they have changed because of her, that they have a new outlook on life all because of what God is doing in her life. Those moments are truly overwhelming and give us the continued faith we need to keep going. Thanks for sharing.

We had a sermon on learning to rejoice in our waiting. I have really been trying to practice this. So here are some ways we have been rejoicing this week. Lily is now taking 6 bottles and one breast feeding a day. She is now taking 49cc at each feeding. As of last night she was 4lbs. 12oz. We also really rejoiced when the eye doctor told us Wed. that Lily's eyes were good. There was nothing to worry about and the trace of ROP would correct itself. Yea!!! We also were glad to hear that her renal ultrasound didn't show anything wrong with her kidneys and that her urine culture has been negative so far.

So for now, I am going to focus on the positives and pray believing that He hears that Lily will be home soon. You can pray that she continue to do well with her bottles and that she be able to increase to 7 bottles quickly, that her oxygen requirements continue to decrease, that her blood pressure will get better, and that she will continue to grow and develop as she should. I would also ask that you pray for us to continue trusting without wavering and that we would take every opportunity to give God the glory for Lily's progress. I thank God each day for all of you.