Needing some patience...

Up close and personal...

I will make this short and sweet or at least I will try. I am so pooped tonight. More so than most nights. I think a lot of it has to do with my heavy heart. Not really sure why besides the obvious reasons. Fear has found its way in and I am worrying about Lily tonight. She has done well today with her oxygen requirements which is great, but she hasn't completed any of her bottles and she wasn't as active today as normal. So of course I start putting all these things together in my head thinking the worse. I have to remind myself how small and young she is even though this is her 11th week of life. I just struggle every time she makes great progress and then takes a step back. However, I can't help but be thankful for all she has done and how much she has overcome and how much worse everything could be. I just want her home more than anything.

It is sad how quickly I can let fear take root and begin to worry at the smallest thing instead of continuing to trust in our Lord who has been so faithful to hear our cries for help and has answered. I don't really even know what I am actually worrying about. I have been struggling lately with where to draw the line between having faith and being irresponsible. That may not make much sense and I don't really have the energy to try and explain. I just pray that I will continue to always seek His face, that I won't let fear and doubt take root, that I will be filled with His presence and peace, and that we will use this experience to Glorify Him.

Please pray that I find my true rest and peace in the one true Physician, that Lily be free of infection, that she take her bottles tonight, and that her oxygen requirements continue to decrease. Praise God for all of you. Have a good night.