Sunday, February 28, 2010

busy week...more prayers needed

I wanted to first thank you for your words of encouragement and prayers. I truly appreciate it and definitely felt them. I woke up Tuesday with much more energy and confidence than before. Lily has had a better week also. She only threw up 3 out of the 7 days this week which was a Huge improvement. So tomorrow is a big day for her. She is having an upper GI series and also an abdominal ultrasound at 9:45am. I am just praying for some clarity. If there is something wrong then we will face it and deal with it. If they find nothing, then we will have a peace of mind that at least that area is OK and we will move on to find another possible cause.

This is also a busy week for a lot of people as far as prayer requests go. I wanted to share them with you. Please pray for my mom who has had 2 back surgeries and is going back to the doctor tomorrow because she is still suffering with a lot of pain. Please pray for knowledge for the doctor and that she will get some answers.

Also, our former pastor from Cleveland, Ms, has prostate cancer and is having surgery Wednesday to remove it. He and His family are very special to us and provided us with much guidance and support. Please pray everything goes smoothly and that he is cancer free after the surgery.

On Tuesday, another friend from auburn's son is having major surgery. His name is Jackson steed. Please pray for everything to go perfectly and that he will recover quickly and be free of problems.

And finally my dear sweet friend Amy in Texas had a small heart attack this week. She is only 35! She has MS but they don't know/think they are related. She is home now and doing well. We are planning to go to Houston this Wednesday so we will get to see her. Please pray that she recovers fully and quickly.

Wow, that is a lot! But nothing is too big for our God. This week while so many things were going on and I was worried about Amy, the song from when I was little popped into my head. "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do for you, and you, and you..."How true it is! Thanks for being so faithful to pray for us! May He bless you for it! Have a great Monday!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Needing to vent...

Thanks for your support, encouragement and prayers for us lately. I am so desperate for them right now. Lily had a much better start to the day and I was hopeful that maybe we were starting to turn the corner, but that hope was shattered when she threw up all of her dinner while she was still in her chair. no warning signs, no apparent reason, and she hadn't even eaten that much. Then before bed she threw up her whole bottle. ARGH.... I am so frustrated and feel so helpless i just don't even know what to do any more but cry or scream or something in between.

I am just so scared that we might be missing something or that something i am doing, giving her is making her worse. I am keeping a detailed journal of everything she eats, drinks, etc... and can't find any connections so far. I think what is eating me up is that in the back of my mind I am doubting. Something that I really have never admitted is that way back in my mind I'm just waiting for something bad to happen with her. I feel like since she didn't have any of the major issues that she should have had as a micro preemie that something is going to come up later. And I hate that I even think that. That I am even allowing myself to doubt that our amazing gracious God that healed Lily's tiny 1lb 6oz. body would not continue to heal her now. The thing that I told everyone that asked me how we made it through those tough 4 months in the NICU is that I never doubted. I never once doubted that God was going to heal and grow our precious baby girl and I never doubted that I would bring her home with me. And i feel like now I am doubting by not being able to let go of this and trust that God is in control. It exposes my weakened faith and makes me even more frustrated and reveals my so real and sinful human nature.

I know this may not seem like such a big deal to many of you. What's the big deal with a little vomit? But it is such a physical problem. Every time she vomits it is physical. the disgusting mess I have to clean up. Seeing the distress on her face and watching her cry each time. Washing clothes, sheets, car seat covers, towels, etc... every day lately is a physical reminder of the problem. And now there is no doubt that it is effecting her weight. Which lets be honest, has totally consumed me from the beginning. I have had enough. I actually had enough 4 months ago. But with each new week there would be a little glimmer of hope if we went a few days without being sick and then it would start all over again.

Sorry to vent but this was my therapy when she was in the hospital and I just had to get it out. I know poor Greg who is traveling every week this month is exhausted listening to me and worried himself. I just needed to get this out. I am praying that God would help me get through my unbelief and help me to be patient once again in Him. And that I would daily be reminded of the undeserving mercy and grace that He has already shown me.

Please pray for my patience, for energy, for knowledge to know when to notify the doctors, for strength to be a good mommy to not only Lily but also to Thomas. This is definitely effecting the amount of time I am spending with him as well. pray that she will get better and be able to keep food and liquid down and that somehow she will at least maintain her weight. I also pray that like before in the end this will just be another tool for me to witness to others how good and loving our God really is. I pray for all of you and pray that God meets your needs as well and blesses each of you beyond how you have blessed me.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Rough week!

Thomas being silly sitting in Lily's swing

Lily, checking out her muddy hands...

Lily took a face dive while playing outside...she was quite muddy but didn't seem to mind!
It was so nice to finally get outside yesterday! Can't wait for spring!

Lily, running, talking...

Well, where do I start...Lily has had a pretty rough week this past week. On Tuesday she fell down about 15 wood steps and ended up in the ER. Everything thankfully checked out OK and she appeared to be fine with no major bumps or bruises. It was definitely apparent that Lily's special angel was with her that day.

However her problems now are with her "reflux". I put it in quotes because we have no idea if this is what is causing the problems. She has definitely had reflux in the past especially when she was much younger. Over the past 5 months or so she has been having random episodes of projectile vomiting. Until recently, I could somewhat associate it with something or at least have a good guess as to what might have caused it. The car ride, too much at one meal, getting too upset, getting choked, etc... But this past week it has been even more vomiting then before and much more random. And when I say vomiting, i mean that she completely empties her entire stomach with force each and every time. It is not simply spitting up on a bib, or maybe changing an outfit, it is everything everywhere! We went to the pediatric gastroenterologist this past Thursday. He seems to think that it is mostly from her reflux but also ordered some xrays to make sure there isn't a physical problem, etc. As of right now those aren't scheduled until March 18th! Well after vomiting multiple consecutive times Thursday, very unlike her, and vomiting every day last week and this weekend. I've finally had enough. It seems to be effecting her appetite and definitely her weight, which is already much less for babies her age.

So, I am telling you all of this to ask you to pray for us. I am very anxious over what could be causing this and am so over hearing similar stories, advice, I need patience in that area.:-) Please pray that first the vomiting will decrease, her appetite and liquid amounts will increase, and that when I call the doctor tomorrow they will move her xrays up and do them this week. Also please pray for my anxiety level. I know deep down that God is in control and that He will fulfill His promise to heal her completely, but I can't shake the worried feelings I have or the need to fix the problems or be able to have an answer for them all. Greg is also traveling again this week, so I pray that we have a good event free week while he is away.